Create space without judgement, without pushing away, isn’t that part of what love is, love for another? But there’s also love for oneself–being compassionate with oneself. The delusion is that I can love you without clearly loving myself. The basis, the roots of the foundation of compassionate communication lies in my ability to be compassionate with myself. Without that, I cannot be approach you from a place of true compassion. Because in a relationship, I will need to make a request at some point that is out of my needs and is an expression of my love for myself.
So what we do is create space and places in which we allow the other to move with complete freedom while at the same time keeping open our own space. It’s the intersection of those spaces where our souls touch. Healing can happen in all of those places. Meaning, if we both have a sense of self-compassion, we create a space in ourselves in which our own healing can occur. If I also create a compassionate space for you in which you can move freely (meaning, free will) then an opportunity for healing is created, but only if you are willing. Similarly, if you create a place for me, then I have a space in which I can heal myself.
As an archetype, most men don’t understand that the chains that bind and fetter are not broken by the sword.
As an archetype, most people, men and women alike, aren’t compassionate enough with themselves to truly love each other.
We search for love for that very reason, because we DO want that compassion. Even worse, we search out people we can love, so that in their returning of our love, our need for compassion is met. But it isn’t really, because at some inevitable point of confusion, we are not met with compassion, and then where are we, if we don’t have a deep sense of self-compassion in us? And worst of all, it’s very easy to delude ourselves that we are being compassionate with ourself. Clarity is so very essential here, but absolute clarity isn’t a requirement to do this work, only an knowing that clarity is something to always keep in mind.
Self-compassion is the sword to free ourselves to truly love. It means saying “no” with the strength and love for our self. It means saying “yes” without the loss of individuality and freedom, meeting in intersections of the space we create.
When you say “no”, I am confronted with the understanding that you love yourself, and therefore, as long as I come from a space of healthy being (compassion), I discover my love for you. When you say “yes”, I am confronted with the understanding that you love me, from which I deepen my love for myself.